Forever My Angel

Forever My Angel

You were the first woman I ever fell in love with

You loved me unconditionally even if I didn’t deserve it

You fed me when I was hungry for the truth.

You gave me drink when I was thirsty for honesty

Despite the choices that I have made

By my side you have always stayed

You prayed for me, you cared for me

You revealed to me my destiny

The joy of your presence made everything clear

Whether we agreed or not I always knew you were there.

To guide me, to nurture me

To give me a good dose of reality

My Angel, my comforter, my guide

I thank God for the 40 years He placed you by my side.

I guess he realized heaven was not complete

Without your wisdom and grace positioned at His feet.

Although I can no longer feel your touch

I will always know that I have an angel up above.

I love you and I always will

Life will go on but I will never be the same.

(Written for a dear friend who lost his mother.
Rest in Paradise Frances Luella Barnette)

Destiny's Journey

The sweet sound of victory
The essence of success
The sensation of feeling
Your heartbeat in your chest

The knowledge that this battle is just the beginning of a struggle
An ongoing journey to Destiny made for no other
The obstacles and roadblocks would make most turn away

But where destiny is concerned she always gets her way

When life's rains fall and penetrate the ground

The intentions of Destiny's presence often seems to drown.

In the quicksand, dreams are swallowed here and there

However, Destiny's relentless ambition is beyond compare

So try as you may, resist if you must

Just realize in the end it's Destiny's  way or bust

patience is a virtue that we all should embrace

Living life to the fullest while Destiny lies in wait.

Preparing to make her move at just the right moment.

Molding us and guiding us until we are summoned

To the only place where we will truly find peace.

The place where the door reads "Destiny"

Once we reach this place of peace and tranquility.

We will strive to make it last for all eternity

This place has never been hidden or shaded

But is only revealed when Destiny gets tired of waiting.

Right now, enjoy what you think is meant to be your fate.

Just know Destiny's appearance has no set time or date.

When it comes, you better hold tight

Because when she arrives you are in for the best ride of your life.

Beyond the Grief

 Can't seem to shake this shroud 

Can't say the words out loud

Fear of offending, triggering annoying

So I keep going while deep inside knowing

That this pain in the pit of gut

May never ever let up

This emptiness is filled with acid 

Burning all the joy away

I am trying to focus on the good times

But this gnawing in my soul will eventually come into play.

His strength is what sustains me

His love is what maintains me

He's shown me what it means to be tough

To rise above adversity

To push through to victory

To never give up and never give in

To continue to fight until the end. 

You've won many battles against all odds

No longer having to put on a facade

The race is not given to the swift or to the strong

But to one who is willing to hold on.

For if we walk by faith and not by sight .

In the end, we will win the prize.

Written 3/8/24

In fond memory of my dad.

Things Left Unsaid

 Some connections work better between miles of fiber optic lines

Transmitting relaying sending receiving

Producing smiles and moans

Jeers and groans

Releasing endorphins that create metamorphosis

From Logic to Longing

From concession to satisfaction 

Slippery slopes of indiscretion, love connections, eternal bonds 

Avoiding rocks best left unturned 

While knowing that forever you will yearn

To be connected ...

Search for Peace

Whispering fears of inadequency 

Silent thoughts of what might of been 

Screaming Retribution against Self doubt

Looking for a way to escape the the noise

Rustling leaves, Chirping Crickets, 

Birds Singing amongst the diminishing folage 

Trains rumbling by but  no whistles 

Less noise yet still loud

The silence is deafening

The noise is distracting

The peace we seek however is within

Past conversations are like answers blowing in the wind.

Catch the words that bring you light

Sloth off the ones that summons the darkness.

Boundaries set

Past conversations delineated

The silence is deafening. 

Legacy

Legacy

Dirt roads and hot wheels
Cookouts and family meals
Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July
Memories made as days go by.
Family fun and times of despair
Through thick and thin your always there.

To build us up and support us all
Handing out tough love while protecting us when we fall.
The branches expand but the roots still stand.
A foundation unwavering as we walk hand in hand.

Remember your beginnings on your road to success.
Placid we began, solid we remain, connections maintained,  legacy sustained.

"Together we stand, divided we fall."

Bewildered

Bewildered by these incessant emotions 

Disillusioned by this misplaced devotion 

Circumstances beyond my understanding
A truce between my heart and mind is what life is demanding.
Living a lie and longing for truth
Bewildered by how this type of bond developed between us
Against all odds through storm and rain
The love I feel remains the same.
Wrapped in uncertainty surrounded by doubt
No matter the reason I want to see what the confusion is all about

Bewildered...

I'm So Dope

I'm So Dope that I'm considered to be a superhero to some

Making dreams reality by showing them a reflection of their greatness.

Watching the twinkle of hope reappear after life, society or negative self-talk has snatched it away like a thief in the night.  

I'm so Dope that those who many said never will, do.  They rise from the ashes of their circumstances believing in themselves, accomplishing their goals and turning negativity into success

I'm so Dope that I admire resilience, applaud perseverance, and find solace in proving naysayers wrong.

Give me the least of them and let them show you how bright their light does shine.

I'm so Dope that I find light in the darkness and fan every flicker until it shines brighter.  Blinding those who lost hope in them.

So know that if I've invested time and energy into you it's because the light outweighed the darkness and I'm so Dope that I stuck around until you were able to see it illuminate the world. 

Beyond the Bitterness

           

Bitterness is like taking poison and waiting on the other person to get sick. 

Left in a sea of misunderstanding; 

Body and soul searching for a place to land.  Treading lightly on the delicate surface.  Afraid to move forward no where to turn. 

The stench of stagnation infiltrates the senses. 

 In search of a place for the emotional waste to be dispensed. 

Drown in the sewage or wade through the s***. 

 To find life beyond the bitterness. 

Hope and Faith

I Hoped that you would put me first

Waiting patiently

Wandering aimlessly

Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel

Wishing you would see the agony behind my smile

Believing in you while all the while you continued to believe that I was unaware although she had made it very clear.  You're only reason for staying was to break the cycle

A dual parent home for them is what you desired.

While the cycle may have been broken for you

 the mending  of my heart was no where in view. 

You continued to believe my strength would endure.

 Hope made me weak

But...

My faith helps me to endure.

The  lies the pain and deceit

Laid it all at His feet.

I Hoped that you would finally see what it would take for me

To regain faith in your ability to do the only thing I ask of you...

Take care of my heart...

Now I truly understand that on this hope I can no longer stand.  This job belongs to only me my heart is my responsibility.

Hope made me feel weak while becoming wise.

Faith made strong producing a genuine smile.

Royalty

Her body births Kings and Queens

Yet they treat her like she is a garbage disposal

Unclothed she is the embodiment of perfection

Yet they disrespect her right to express herself mind body and soul

She deserves to be worshipped not objectified

Her desire to be fulfilled mentally and physically should not be seen as a disgrace

Rather the beauty of her curves represents her amazing Grace

The creator brings forth greatness through her womb.

Stop placing her greatness in the tomb 

of others expectations.

Resurrect her in all of her glory

To her rightful place without restrictions or judgement

Her body is the shell...her essence is what makes her royalty.

Soul Food

Soul Food

The emptiness inside is giving birth to the brilliance in my mind. 

Igniting the fire in my soul.

Allowing the very essence of my being to manifest.

It's not until I have nothing left that I can tap into the true depth of my existence.  

In the most dismal circumstances is when the breath of reality gives me new beginnings. 

Stanzas, verses, and lines

Meters, beats, and rhymes.

Poetry gives me life.

Like compressions to a heart out of sync.

The life produced from my internal void gives me air to breathe again.

Seeing the fullness of life outside of myself.

The focus turns from self-pity to life-giving as I nurture and raise my offspring to its full potential.

Stanzas, verses, and lines

Meters, beats, and rhymes.

Poetry gives me love.

Unconditional love that springs from my soul. By writing from these empty places, I once again feel whole.

Stanzas, verses, and lines

Meters, beats, and rhymes.

Poetry fills my soul.

Rising above the cesspool of society

Focusing on a higher diety, the one that lives in me. That craves to be set free...

Stanzas, verses, and lines

Meters, beats, and rhymes.

Poetry sets me free

Time to Heal

You chased and pursued despite being ignored.
Everything I did you wanted to be on-board.
Your persistence was commendable 
Down right adorable...
But upon gaining my trust your actions became deplorable
Your motives were either impure or had been rearranged.
No matter the reason the fact still remained
Things had changed

The irony of it all is this...

Your caring spirit keeps you from taking care of my heart 
So from your possession it may forever depart.
Placed deep inside with no doors or windows to be accessed.

You've tried to regain entry and I have seriously considered letting you in
Forgiveness is where I began.  

Then all of a sudden and out of the blue
The culprit from the past opens a fresh wound.
Digging deeper than ever rocking me to the core.
Still can't believe they had the nerve to darken the door.
What makes it worse you took the time to converse, gave access to our facilities 
And walked them to what should have been their hearse

This time you've taken it too far.
Be the bigger person you say?
That can only happen if one of us goes away.

Despite it all I still had hope but as I reflect on it all I was definitely on that dope.

Intoxicated by the illusion of happily ever after
Shot up with the smack of for better or worse
Floating on the cannabis cloud of it will get better
Tweaking on the fantasy of keeping the family together.

All the mind altering societal word drugs making me numb to my desires 
watching my dreams destroyed and consumed by the fire...

Of your lies, betrayal, and deceit
You're inability to stand your ground 
So it's time to take several seats.

Like the Phoenix from the ashes I will rise again 
Because everything  is not always as it seems in the beginning at the end.

© April 2017

Slumber

The light cascades through the window reflecting softly on your face. I watch your chest rise and fall as  life-giving fluid circulates throughout your tiny body.

Praying for a future so much better than my own. One of love, light, laughter and success.  One that allows you to experience everything good you desire.

Using obstacles as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks.  That your heart store no hurt or malice. Striving for success while walking in your blessings.
Wisdom, Knowledge, Intuition and a Pure and Loving Heart is my wish for you.

Sleep my love...

Shapeshifter

The smile on my face hides the pain in my heart.

The confidence in my words masks the doubt in my soul.

I'm trapped in an existence created by the ones that I love.

Hanging on by a thread connected only to the Creator above.

Daily I do what's expected of me but much of this is not where I want to be. 

Most believe I have the strength of a 1000 men when in reality their are places in my heart that may never mend. 

This polymorphic existence compares only to David Banner with the Hulk festering inside.

Eventually the pain within will seep to the outside.

Revealing the weak, pathetic existence within.

But then and only then can I begin again.

Guilty Chromosomes

Guilty Chromosomes

Deoxyribonucleic acid is the culprit.
Therefore I plead the fifth.
The blood that pulses through my veins
I can’t do a thing with.

I love with the heart of a lion
Until you lead me into a snare.
I trust you with my all
Unless you show me you do not care.

Through your actions and your deeds
The double-stranded helix will then take the lead
Warding off all hurt and sorrow
Strangling your chances of crushing me tomorrow

Or any other time for that matter…

Never again will you access my cardiac rhythm
Surrendering it to you causes me to tremble
The chromosomes that resides in my cells
Will no longer allow you to put me through hell.

Therefore I plead the fifth when asked to testify
Because I cannot speak honestly without implicating myself
My chromosomes are guilty but my heart is safe.
Back in my possession a guarded place.

Trail Mix of Life

Trail Mix of Life

The trail is mixed with the sweetness of success and the saltiness of failure.
Each of these tiny morsels we must savour no matter the flavor.

Reaping the benefits of each of its pieces. Experience is the fiber of life. Whether salty or sweet, there is a purpose for each.

The trail of life is mixed with disappointments and triumphs. Digest each morsel...
Allow it to nourish your destiny.
No matter how bitter or sweetie this trail mix of life makes me who I am meant to be.

Composition to a Confidant, Lover, and Friend

I guess I am going to have to give you up

One of my greatest loves

The thing that has soothed my soul and calmed my fears

For so many years and in so many situations

The melodies that have rocked me to sleep on the worst of days

Made me dance on the greatest of occasions

When nothing else could soothe my spirit you’ve always been there

Not judging the situation but providing peace of mind in the midst of turmoil

It’s crazy how you use to clear my head of the things I could not control

Now every word I hear within your lines reminds me

Of a situation that has me totally perplexed.

Even the tunes without words make drift in mind to …

Music, my first lover, have you forsaken me?

Why do your compositions reminding  me

Of a time when I felt free, confident and loved

Only to be jolted back to the reality that this was not mine to keep?

Music, my muse, your inspiration keeps taking back to that which I should forget.

Shouldn’t I?

What are you trying to tell me my lifelong friend?

Am I not getting the message?

 I will continue to listen because you have not failed me yet.

I just have one request

Please speak to our mutual friend as well

Encourage them to share themselves.

Whether it is through you or directly

Answers and clarification is the path to a clear mind.

Music, my friend I need you today!

Reflections

Agony of indecision
Shadows of despair
longing for our conversation
Realizing you're no longer there

Memories of the feelings
elicited by our connection
Concern about your wellbeing
Longing for your presence

Fear of failure has triumphed
In a war against my past distress
The barrier meant for protection
Has caused cardiac unrest.

The heart that is so fragile
Now aches behind these walls
The mind that's usually agile
Has now choked and stalled

Stuck on a freeway of loneliness
Toward a deserted dead end street
Sacrificing my happiness
As a result of past deceit

Should I chalk this up to a lesson learned?
Or push for another chance?
The right direction can not be discerned.
Until I dig my heart from the sands

You gave me glimpse of what I once was
The hope of what I'll again be
Our meeting was orchestrated from above
Love in my heart for you is for eternity.

A Journey of Hope

Each time the screen illuminates
I smile in hopes that it's your face I see
It's reading your kind words that brighten my days
Giving life to the hope inside of me.

The desire I feel inside is one I thought had expired.
To lay in your arms and experience your presence
Longing to be soothed by your effervescence.

Of All the anguish I have allowed to take over my heart
The pain I've internalized...Can it now depart?
To a place of darkness where I will no longer reside
Filling me with light rather than being empty inside

The presence of your name in my inbox
Or your picture across my screen.
Chips away at the concrete encasing of my emotions
And the fear suppressing my dreams

Illusions of a place and time were happiness was sublime
No longer a distant image of days and times gone by.
Dreaming of a journey with destination yet unknown
From cyber space to face to face; possibilities untold.
                                                                  
                                                                                     Mijoi