Beyond the Grief

 Can't seem to shake this shroud 

Can't say the words out loud

Fear of offending, triggering annoying

So I keep going while deep inside knowing

That this pain in the pit of gut

May never ever let up

This emptiness is filled with acid 

Burning all the joy away

I am trying to focus on the good times

But this gnawing in my soul will eventually come into play.

His strength is what sustains me

His love is what maintains me

He's shown me what it means to be tough

To rise above adversity

To push through to victory

To never give up and never give in

To continue to fight until the end. 

You've won many battles against all odds

No longer having to put on a facade

The race is not given to the swift or to the strong

But to one who is willing to hold on.

For if we walk by faith and not by sight .

In the end, we will win the prize.

Written 3/8/24

Search for Peace

Whispering fears of inadequency 

Silent thoughts of what might of been 

Screaming Retribution against Self doubt

Looking for a way to escape the the noise

Rustling leaves, Chirping Crickets, 

Birds Singing amongst the diminishing folage 

Trains rumbling by but  no whistles 

Less noise yet still loud

The silence is deafening

The noise is distracting

The peace we seek however is within

Past conversations are like answers blowing in the wind.

Catch the words that bring you light

Sloth off the ones that summons the darkness.

Boundaries set

Past conversations delineated

The silence is deafening. 

Legacy

Legacy

Dirt roads and hot wheels
Cookouts and family meals
Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July
Memories made as days go by.
Family fun and times of despair
Through thick and thin your always there.

To build us up and support us all
Handing out tough love while protecting us when we fall.
The branches expand but the roots still stand.
A foundation unwavering as we walk hand in hand.

Remember your beginnings on your road to success.
Placid we began, solid we remain, connections maintained,  legacy sustained.

"Together we stand, divided we fall."

Bewildered

Bewildered by these incessant emotions 

Disillusioned by this misplaced devotion 

Circumstances beyond my understanding
A truce between my heart and mind is what life is demanding.
Living a lie and longing for truth
Bewildered by how this type of bond developed between us
Against all odds through storm and rain
The love I feel remains the same.
Wrapped in uncertainty surrounded by doubt
No matter the reason I want to see what the confusion is all about

Bewildered...

I'm So Dope

I'm So Dope that I'm considered to be a superhero to some

Making dreams reality by showing them a reflection of their greatness.

Watching the twinkle of hope reappear after life, society or negative self-talk has snatched it away like a thief in the night.  

I'm so Dope that those who many said never will, do.  They rise from the ashes of their circumstances believing in themselves, accomplishing their goals and turning negativity into success

I'm so Dope that I admire resilience, applaud perseverance, and find solace in proving naysayers wrong.

Give me the least of them and let them show you how bright their light does shine.

I'm so Dope that I find light in the darkness and fan every flicker until it shines brighter.  Blinding those who lost hope in them.

So know that if I've invested time and energy into you it's because the light outweighed the darkness and I'm so Dope that I stuck around until you were able to see it illuminate the world. 

Beyond the Bitterness

           

Bitterness is like taking poison and waiting on the other person to get sick. 

Left in a sea of misunderstanding; 

Body and soul searching for a place to land.  Treading lightly on the delicate surface.  Afraid to move forward no where to turn. 

The stench of stagnation infiltrates the senses. 

 In search of a place for the emotional waste to be dispensed. 

Drown in the sewage or wade through the s***. 

 To find life beyond the bitterness. 

Hope and Faith

I Hoped that you would put me first

Waiting patiently

Wandering aimlessly

Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel

Wishing you would see the agony behind my smile

Believing in you while all the while you continued to believe that I was unaware although she had made it very clear.  You're only reason for staying was to break the cycle

A dual parent home for them is what you desired.

While the cycle may have been broken for you

 the mending  of my heart was no where in view. 

You continued to believe my strength would endure.

 Hope made me weak

But...

My faith helps me to endure.

The  lies the pain and deceit

Laid it all at His feet.

I Hoped that you would finally see what it would take for me

To regain faith in your ability to do the only thing I ask of you...

Take care of my heart...

Now I truly understand that on this hope I can no longer stand.  This job belongs to only me my heart is my responsibility.

Hope made me feel weak while becoming wise.

Faith made strong producing a genuine smile.